What a dive. This place is billed as a *hotel* when it is a very small *MOTEL*. 10 tiny suites (for lack of a better term) all at ground level. Not only that, but many of the exterior pictures that the owners have posted across the internet are actually of a park--and even that's not very close to this motel. We stayed here in the beginning of July, it was our fifth choice of places to stay in the surrounding area and the only place that didn't cost $300+ for having vacancy on a Saturday. The worst reviews we read were about outdoor bugs getting in, so we thought, 'well, that's not so bad as long as everything else is good-enough'--everything else definitely was not. We got in, signed some paperwork and the owner/manager swiped our credit card with those old school kinds that originated in the 70's that are far too easy to hack so the majority of business did away with them (the kind that literally swipes over the card and makes carbon copies). FLAG 1. We started to unload the car--we were given the Handicap Accessible room for the weekend (which we definitely did not ask for so we thought that was odd) and also the furthest room away from the separate house that acts as the motel's office. As we start to unload we're gawked at the entire time, by a woman sitting outside her room's stoop smoking--I said to Heather, as long we don't get mugged like in the movie GONE GIRL, hopefully we'll be alright. FLAG 2? We get in, and start doing an inspection. My main concern was bed bugs and regular bugs--which thankfully we found none other--one of the only perks. The place immediately took a dive right off the cliff of being "nice." We heard from a local acquaintance that the place might've been given money a few years back when Mark Wahlberg had filmed a movie in the area--well, they apparently took all that money and spent it on the ceilings, floors, and lighting (which all looked nice), but nothing else. On the bed, were three regular-sized pillows and a decorative pillow--for two occupants to share, really. The decorative pillow and the bottom sheet both had what looked like (and we hoped) could be described only as "packaging residue" like when something has a really nasty sticker adhesive on it and you only find out once you try to take the sticker off? The one pillow smelled faintly like someone's perfume, double-UGH. There was a nice little desk in the corner, but that had an office chair you could pickup at Walmart for $20 which was obviously very-worn in. For usable surface area, the main room with the bed, desk and TV, had 2 nightstands, the desk, and room on the TV stand, along with a stand-alone closet (which someone beat the corners up exposing chipped-away particle board all over). Meanwhile the bathroom literally had just the sink, toilet and tub--if you brought your own amenities (and who doesn't at least travel with hair products, a toothbrush, or something anyway?) you have to keep them in the main room despite there being plenty of space in the bathroom for something--ANYTHING else. There were outlets all over the place, that's one other good thing about staying there. FLAG 3-5. The tub had an enormous rainfall showerhead. Too bad it shot out at three different angles, making sure to narrowly miss you, or else soaking the tiled bathroom floor. It also didn't look like had been cleaned in nearly a year. One of the washcloths we were provided had a black, washed-in stain on it, oh and some of the towels were also threadbare, too. What is with this place? Has no one showed them what a clean and maintained "hotel" is actually supposed to look like? You don't keep it "clean" like you do a house, it's supposed to be sanitary like your guests are the first to ever stay in the room! Then to top-off the wonderful bathroom amenities, the narrow step-on fliptop garbage in the bathroom... wasn't emptied before we checked-in; it had someone's washcloth in it which didn't quite match the threadbare, plain-white ones the motel provided, so we were staring at a washcloth probably brought by a guest, and was still residing in our room. FLAG 6 Then to add insult to injury, the wifi barely worked on any of our devices; our ipod and ipad didn't even recognize either of the two signals and only my own android phone got one-bar. Even the wifi apparently hasn't been updated since the Wahlbergs might or might not have visited. When we immediately complained the following morning and asked for a refund for the next night, the woman behind the desk refused to believe any of our issues and insisted that they've "never had any complaints." Well, now there's at least one. Stay here, but only if you absolutely don't have a choice, or don't know what a decent stay at a real hotel is like.…