This is a tale of a man who bit a bullet to make his wife happy, so grab a snack and walk with me.
I came here (after weeks of planning) to treat my wife to a great birthday. Nothing pleases that women more than Spa treatments, so I thought this would be a fun and unique experience. My initial thought was to drop her off and pick her up, but later decided to go with her to share the experience. We paid our admission fees, were given our "uniforms" and pointed toward the locker rooms. However, I want to get you a little more prepared than I was for what you are going to see.
First of all, people LIKE to be naked here... which I somewhat expected. What I didn't expect was to walk in the men's showers to find a man crotched over like a stripper "dropping it like it's hot". I'm not sure if I will every recover from a full view of the exhaust portal of another man's waste management system. What was he doing? I couldn't tell you or why he chose to do it over a portable bowl in full view of other, but I swear I thought I was about to go blind.
Then there was the dude sitting in the hot pool spread eagle and I guess... meditating. But none of that was as weird as seeing complete strangers lounging naked and watching TV in the men's locker room. Seriously? Naked? TV? Who does that in public and why? NO TOWELS covering their private areas for a little discretion, just open and free like it was absolutely normal!!! If that wasn't enough, I almost had a full frontal crash with another naked dude not watching where he was going. The locker room attendant was useless except when he knew enough English to tell me to take off all my clothes before going in the shower area.
There isn't much staff help to guide you around, or at least none helped us. We found most of the staff beyond the reception area did not speak very fluent English, which proved to be extremely frustrating for our 1st experience. Once done in the lockers, I meet my wife in the common area and she decides to get a 90-minute Acupressure massage (which she would regret later) and I thought I would check out their "gym". So I drift up to the second floor only to find what looked like a dance studio with a couple of treadmills and elliptical machines overlooking the sauna's in the common area. It was a totally uninspiring work-out space, so I headed back down to the sauna's to wait for my wife while she received her massage.
I start off in the Jewel sauna feeling a little silly having paid $25 to lay on the ground when a older lady comes in and lays down opposite of me. No problem, plenty of room. Then she starts to moan and I'm thinking OMG!!! I didn't know what she was doing and I was too scared to look. The moans get loud enough for me to figure our she's doing some sort of breathing chant that sounds like the whispers you hear on horror films. So I'm outta there. I went from the Jewel sauna to the Ice sauna and the day got a little more interesting. Most of the saunas were quiet, but a few lively people here made for good conversation. One hour goes by quickly and I finally met up again with my wife.
Next up, the Salt sauna, where some dude starts playing this Bali music LOUDLY and for some reason didn't think other people would mind. These are not exaggerations people, some real madness was going down here today! That leads to a lively conversation with a few other folks & finally I begin to relax. Soon after, the birthday girl and I decided to share a little time together getting a foot massage. For me, this was a huge mistake.
These folks don't seem to realize feet are very tender. I don't know where they got their Foot Masseurs, but at some point in their lives they must have been trained in the art of torture, because this foot massage was pure evil!!! I was determined not to let this dude hear me scream out in agony, so I gripped the sides of that leather recliner for ONE HOUR of shear pain. He tortured every square centimeter of my feet except for a brief moment when he was trying to milk my toes like cow udders. Don't ask me to explain that, it's just how it felt to me.
We stayed a few more hours, tried all the sauna's, ate lunch which was "meh" ok, used the WET sauna (which I love) prior to taking a shower & paid our final bill. You pay your admission up front, but pay for all your services upon check-out. Long story short, this isn't a place I find relaxing and enjoyable. The people here didn't seem to be very accommodating, the food wasn't very good and I paid way to much for a massage that left me and my wife in pain for days afterwards. But if your idea of relaxing is paying $25 to lay on heated floors and you enjoy hanging out with naked strangers who sit bare bottom on almost all locker room surfaces... then you are gonna absolutely love it here!!!! .
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