NOTE: This review is for the new location in Lawrenceville GA, not the Dallas location.

Rule #1: don't go.
Rule #2: if you do go, bring earplugs, extra napkins, plastic utensils, and a hip flask of something to help you enjoy this forced-fun.
Rule #3: if you go and have a lousy time, re-read rule #1.

In two hours, MT compacts all the worst elements of being on a cheap cruise: crowds, noise, overpriced extras, forced fun. It is not possible to enter the facility without having your photograph taken with a period character - wearing the color-coded paper crown that the greeter placed on your head (a bad flashback to Burger King in the 1970s).

As soon as you survive this forced-fun stop and enter the hall, you are accosted by roving teenage cheap-souvenir mongers. If you retreat to the bar for some insulation from this environment, the bar staff try to sell you a souvenir cup, which will more than double the cost of your already-overpriced drink. If you don't resist this, you may not even be aware that there was a no-charge cup option.

Once you are lead into the area, you are placed at your table, where you are given just enough room to barely move your arms without bothing the stranger next to you. Think about having dinner in a middle coach seat on an airplane. Then DON'T think about the $50/person you paid to be here. Then comes the blatant, practiced reminder from your server: your $50 did not include her tip!

Unlike even the cheapest cruises, where the food is usually limitless, you are parceled out a subsistence portion of garlic bread (one 3x3" piece), vegetable soup (not bad, and not too salty), rotissierie chicken (not bad, but good luck to those who don't know their chicken anatomy, because you will be eating your meal in near-total darkness), ONE potato wedge, and ONE (that's right, ONE!) small spare rib.

Because we all came for a "medieval" experience, there are no utensils provided. All of the above-mentioned food is to be eaten with the fingertips - with ONE napkin. And for those who have trouble passing on dessert: you won't have difficulty passing on this one. The included beverages were iced tead and Pepsi. And good luck on refills. Don't come thirsty - or hungry, for that matter.

Before you get your fingers dirty with your food - in fact, before you enter the arena - put in your earplugs. The entire show is performed at least 15 dB higher than anything that could be considered necessary or even reasonable. How to the horses survive this? Someone should be inquiring as to their welfare amid all this noise.

The horse show itself was watchable but unspectacular. Your color-coded paper crown indicates which section you are seated in for the show, and which knight you are supposed to cheer for. I wound up cheering for the boy with the pooper-scooper. They did save the best for last - and by "best" I mean the signal that you have been given your reprieve and can go back to the relative peace and quiet of your regular life now. The forced-fun attitude of the staff (with their badly-faked English accents) left me with the vague feeling that I was somehow partly to blame for my own failure to enjoy this - but I know better.

Those who remember the venerable old Steak & Ale restaurant chain may imagine MT as Steak & Ale gone wild - and very, very wrong.