Ok, here we go, and I apologise about the spelling mistakes straight away as I always use spellcheck, so if it offend you, tuff toenails hahaha..........

Right then, the hotel--- absolutely stunning, superb, extremely posh and extremely well run........reception is a joy to go to, you wait until your coach/taxi pulls up outside the hotel, you will go WOW, I bet you will.........

The rooms are superb, air-con, tv, bath shower etc, now listen carefully as I will only type this once.........if you like the news programme, then great, as it is only Sky News for English speakers, if you speak foreign, great, knock yourself out with the channels hahaha......oh yeah, make sure you get the kettle option in your room, only 15 euros per week, and tea, coffee and milk portions are changed/provided every day, superb, you will have to buy the water in the shops but not a drama, so what, you will be going down the shops anyway......

Ok, now onto the food as I know you are all dying to hear about it....again, superb superb superb, you will not get to try everything as too much grub, I myself was eating glazed ring doughnuts for breakfast every day, how posh am I then eh???

Yes, they have the typical Brit breakfast of muesli and fruit..........nah, only kiddiing, fry ups are a plenty !!!

Now you must read this carefully.....this is a 4* hotel ( better really ) notice the word HOTEL, it is a clue........there are only a few rules..........no bikini's and speedos carrying lilos through reception, this is a hotel, and British Bob with his gut hanging out is not acceptable in reception, dont do it ok, its not clever and not funny ok !!!

Breakfast , you can dress like a slob, for dinner, gentlemen will be expected to wear long trousers, jeans etc are ok, but long trousers are expected..............you will be lead to a table by a waiter when you eat, he/she will bring your drinks to your table, you help yourself to your grub as many times as you like. There are theme nights for food, Mexican, Chinese etc and the waiters dress up for each theme, and they are sooooooooooo polite and lovely, please tip them every night by the till, even 1 euro every night will be plenty for all of them to share.

Ok now onto entertainment....excellent every night, caberet acts, tribute acts ( 4 Tops etc ) magicians, acrobats blah blah blah, remember, this is not what you are paying for, you are paying for a room in a lovely hotel and 2 meals a day ok, remember that, yes, the price is pricey, but the hotel does NOT HAVE to supply entertainment, it is a luxury and a courtesy, and they do it very very well, the entertainment crew are very good. The house band are SUPERB, and the lady with the long curly hair should be cutting CD's and not singing in a hotel, she is excellent!!

What now??? Oh yeah, the resort, Costa Teguise.......the best resort out of the 3 really........Porto Carmon is nice, and Playa Blanca is great if you want Irish Pubs/Clubs, English Roast dinners, and want to pay all that money to be in a hot Southend/Clacton......... don't get me wrong, different budgets gets you different locations, I am saying it as I see it personally.

The trips and bits to do are ok and worth it, book through your rep or the hotel reception, the Grand Tour is well worth it and a full day out ( you will know what I am talking about at the beginning of this epilogue when you get dropped off and listen to all the other passengers going " wow look at this hotel" or " Wow, this is posh " and you will feel the smirk of pride spread along your mush hehehe!!!

The bar staff are superb all through the hotel.....and you will not believe what they do.....if you want a whiskey and ginger, they will bring the WHOLE bottle to your table, pour you out a huge measure of booze and leave you a ticket to pay later on, the measures are huge, go for the Baileys and see if you cant get through a bottle every night, we thought we were !!!!

The rooms are kept very clean, and yes, this is a classy hotel as the cleaning maids make the beds every day, change your toweld etc, and they leave Swans etc made out of towels on your bed, cool, very very cool.

Ok last bit now as I am boring myself typing this, the swimming pool..............you DO NOT have to reserve your beds, there are millions of them ( well, a lot at least ) and you can either take your own towel, or, for a deposit, you cna have a hotel pool towel every day for as long as you are there, plenty of space, the pools are superb and really well kept, cleaned every day, they pool technician tests the water temperature every day, and the poolside cafe is brill for a lunch, drink, ice cream etc, very very pretty and extremely well run.

take a good digital camera with you as you will take loads of pictures, and that will be just of the hotel and the interior.

The spa is superb, really good deals and you guys, get into it, it is superb, the 2 hour speacial deal is great, watch out for the cold shower in the middle, the clue is in the title ok!!!!

We went on the 21st Feb and returned on the 6th March, we will deffo bok to go again and to the same hotel every time, the hptel has spent a lot of money on the decor, and just for the new carpets must have cost over 100k easy.

So, in a nutshell, you will find a nut !!!

Seriously, this is a superb hotel, excellent for couples, honeymooners, but not for anyone who takes their teenager with them as they might get a bit bored. It is a relaxing place, entertainment is superb, the beach etc is only 10 mins walk, you WILL find a short cut I promise.

get your wallet out, book up and enjoy yourself, I promise you will have a superb time, excelelnt hotel, excellent service, superb weather, what more do you want.............jam on it as well???

Havea superb holiday

We’ve just returned from a week’s all-inclusive at the Beatriz Playa and were a little apprehensive prior to going, due to some of the negative views posted on this forum.
You need to remember that this is a Spanish-owned Hotel, run for the Spanish, by the Spanish, with Spanish people in mind. Get past this issue and I can’t see why people knock it.
YES the entertainment is laughable but if you want to watch Elvis impersonators, 3rd rate X-factor contestants or have the chance to sing top thirty hits in a Karaoke atmosphere, try Butlins. Sorry to knock but this is not England.
This is not a 4 star hotel but 3 star but is still very good value for money and I will endeavour to break down my feedback of the amenities as best I can

Check in

No problems. All speak very good English and made us very welcome. Only bit they missed out was to inform us that you can use their towel system for the sun-loungers but you have to leave a E15 deposit for each card per towel. This is re-imbursed on check-out

Restaurants

Main buffet restaurant was very good. Two separate cooking stations-one usually doing meats including steak, chicken, pork, lamb etc and the other. a fish variety. Masses of various hot and cold foods available, ranging from Full English through to salads galore. I don’t see how you fail to find sufficient variety to suit your particular palate be it Breakfast, Dinner or Lunch. We took a young female who tests her parents’ patience to the limit, but perseverance won the day.
The Pool bar restaurant has limited menu but again, all freshly cooked and there are several options from half-chicken and chips, through to sandwiches.
Didn’t try the Pizzeria but heard good feedback about it

Bars

The main drawback for me, as we were on all-inclusive, was the very fizzy lager. There is no draught alternative and unless you’re used to it, it may become a tad tiresome. There are a variety of sprits/mixers which are passable and the red wine is drinkable. We actually went out 3 nights out of the 7 to Barties Irish bar just down the road (mainly due to football and rugby on the TV) Barty is a very amenable host and serves a mean pint of Guinness and Kilkenny
The pool bar is picturesque with plenty of seating but the wife found waiting to be served a bit irksome. It is not the fault of the bar staff, it is just they are (a) understaffed and (b) Spanish i.e. a bit on the slow side. I never got the impression of being ignored in favour of the Spanish but was equally sure that when my turn came to be served, the bar staff knew it – not by being rude but by catching their eye when it was busy and cutting across the usual queue-jumping German contingent lol

Room

Good sized room which was on 2 levels, with a divider between the double bed and a set of twins. Excellent size bathroom with double sink and a shower so powerful, it could knock you to the blunt end of the bath. Always plenty of hot water. Good sized patio area, with efficient a/c and safe if required.
Yes, the walls of the room had the off scuff mark and some of the grouting could be touched up but you know we’re on holiday and didn’t come to give it an annual inspection. If you want spotless luxury, pay the prices for it.

Pools

The Hotel has three pools in all, one heated with depth of 1.7m, one cold of the same depth plus a small circular paddling pool for young ones at 0.3m deep.
Cleaned everyday with a pool attendant present at all times and the 2 main pools are large enough for your own space.
Loads of sun beds/parasols and no need at this time of year to reserve them.

Entertainment

See the top of the feedback – this is a Spanish hotel and all the entertainment is geared towards them. The animation team do a decent job translating the various activities but we made our own entertainment up. Take some cards and games or take a wander into the resort. Or join in as best you can – there is even bingo on some nights…..
Whilst on this point, there are loads of quiet areas you can retreat to. I thought this was one of the more excellent parts of the Hotel - little areas with comfortable chairs and tables, one near to the games room.

Miscellaneous

(a) As a group, we thought the hotel tended towards the older end of clientele. We took 3 children with us aged 7, 9 and 13 years and even though it was half-term, there were hardly any British children there. This may have been a one-off but the animation team do try and involve kids of all nationalities.
(b)The interior of the hotel for me was stunning. Numerous plants and statues have been placed on balconies and patio areas, creating a cool, calming atmosphere on the hottest days. There are also some water features too
©The hotel is the nearest to the airport and inevitably, there is some noise intrusion. This should dissipate within a day or two plus there are no night flights out of Lanzarote
(d) We only paid E10 for a taxi from o/s the airport to the hotel and the reception ordered the return one for us
(e) The Spa for the hotel is nearing completion – no noise interference from it during building
(f) Only excursion we would recommend is to the Timanfaya national park, particularly if you are interested in Volcanoes or geology in general. For E8 adults, E4 for children, you are escorted around the Volcano area by coach and then you can watch the usual visual episodes including steam geysers and straw being burnt within a hole. We hired a 7 seater Renault for E45 for the day. Good value, good fun.

Conclusion

This is a Spanish hotel run primarily for Spanish people, but I would willingly return but not on an all-inclusive basis, due purely to the poor draught beer. The rest is as above.
Yes it is a 3 star and not 4 star as probably advertised, but I generally run the rule of “You pays your money, you takes your choice”
If you are looking for a cheap but enjoyable week in the Sun, then try here at the Beatriz Playa – We would.

I stayed in the Beatriz Playa for a week in January and I was so disappointed. We had travelled to Lanzarote last November and saw this hotel from the outside during our stay and it really looked impressive and even reviews on this website about the hotel were great on the whole so you can imagine our disappointment when we got there and discovered the run down mess the hotel actually is.
The best part of the entire experience was the check in, the girl on reception was amazing so so helpful and friendly and our booking was a bit messy so she could have easily become agitated. The interior of the hotel is run down, shabby and is in dire need of a lick of paint. The interior of the rooms were so old fashioned and were in such bad condition that it looked almost like they were dirty which I don't think they were but they gave that impression I'm afraid.
The package that we booked was all inclusive, we ate breakfast there twice during the entire stay and never ate dinner at all. To be honest I'm not into all inclusive stays anyway because I think it defeats the purpose of going on holidays but it was the only rate we could get. The eating area appeared to be fine on the first morning with a decent selection of food and drinks at the buffet even though it was really difficult to get a seat both mornings. On our second morning I went for a nose around the hot food counter and came face to face with a giant cockroach climbing up the stainless steel covering on the hot counter...Eew! I know these things can happen but it just added to the overall dingy impression that I had of the place so it made me question how clean the kitchen was so I really wasn't happy to eat there again.
This wasn't the worst place I've ever stayed but there is certainly way better accommodation available elsewhere for the same money. Matagorda is truly a beautiful place and well worth a visit but don't ruin your stay by choosing this hotel

Overall I thought the hotel was excellent especially at this time of year. Was very quiet and the weather was absolutly brilliant (sunbathing in january!!!). Now back to the hotel. Really clean and tidy, the staff are brilliant, we had two 1 and 2 yeasr old babies with us and every one of the staff came up and was friendly towards them, and half of the staff cant do enough for you. Ive read some reviews about cockroaches etc, but i saw none on my week there.
The pool was excellent and there are plenty of sunbeds around. You cant make any complaints about walking out of the back gates, steping 5 yards onto the beach (which is NOT a beautiful, but a beach non the less). All of the staff have excellent english as do the people in most shops and bars. There are also many enish/british bars only a 5 minute walk away.
Overall for a winter holiday an excellent place and highly recomended!!!