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Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

Vancouver, Canada
2 posts
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Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

My hubby and I have booked a trip to Blue Bay Grand Esmerelda, there will be one other couple and 3 single guys joining us. We have a 14 month old, who is full of energy, so relaxing on the beach and sleeping in would definitely not be happening. Any advice from people who have either brought baby along and it has gone well or not so well, or have you left baby at home and regretted every minute?

I need to figure out which is the lesser of two evils

Thanks,

Confused

Sunbury...
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69 posts
45 reviews
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21. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

leave the little one home...............kids at that age are NOT having fun in Mexico. they are completely off their normal schedule. if you can leave with grandparents, that is what you should do.

you will be glad you did, and believe me, your friends will appreciate it, too. while I am sure

they adore your toddler, most people, if they are honest, do not want to vacation with

babies and young children.

while we love our kids, we leave them at home. that is what you should do too. stop with

the guilt. you will feel like a better parent after a few days of adult only time!

Vancouver, Canada
2 posts
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22. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

Thank you all so much for your comments! I feel much better about the decision now! I've been going back and fourth about it for a couple months now and final payment deadline is coming up in a couple days and I'm glad I asked for advice. Not that I needed a strangers opinion to justify that I'd still be a good mom if I went on an adult vacation and left my LO at home with grandma and grandpa, but its nice to hear that others have done it and not had a miserable time missing the kids at home (growing up, mom and dad never went on holidays without out- but of course all the people we ever went camping/skiing etc with had children around the same age).

Thanks again everyone!!! Super excited about our trip now (making this decision made it hard for me to get excited because I was still undecided!!)

Charlottesville...
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1,182 posts
220 reviews
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23. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

I've only read some of the replies so I apologize if I repeat someone else's answer.

I think it really depends on how you feel- how you REALLY feel.

I- like everyone else I know- love my kids. I have also been ok with leaving them with my parents when my husband and I go away for a break. We started probably about the same point as your child is at. We go every other year or so. Now they actually look forward to it- it's a vacation at grandma's where they get to eat dessert every night and stay up late.

My brother can't deal. He took his daughter on every trip (except 1 recent 1 and says he'll never leave her again- she's 3.). He just isn't comfortable being that far.

I think you need to think about whether you are like my brother and, if so, the question is answered. If not, then think about what kind of vacation do you and your husband want? Is this a trip to bond as a family or as a couple? Or with your friends? Do you want to have fun as a family or as adults? While you can do both it won't be the same- it just can't realistically be the same. Your baby will want to eat when you want to swim. Or want to play when you want to eat or... And not because they are trying to be difficult, it's because that's what they do. We've had amazing vacations but when we think about that "great" dinner we realize one of us was walking one or other of the kids outside because they had had just about enough while the rest of us were still eating. Oh- and that trip to Disney we took our son on when he was little? Or Hilton Head? Or... he has no clue.

Sorry to be so long but I guess what I should have just said is sit down, think about why you are going and what is really best for you. Your baby won't know if they go or not. I don't mean that to be mean- just honest. I know if it were me I'd be kissing them goodbye and skypeing and making it way up to them afterwards. Whatever you decide I hope you have an amazing time!

Missouri
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459 posts
3 reviews
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24. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

Ya!!! Good for you! Have blast! I have learned now that my daughter is grown it was never about the quantity of time I spent with her it was the quality.

I heard somewhere the greatest gift you can give a child is if your eyes light up when they walk in the room. Imagine how great it will be to walk in the room when you return well rested and connected to hubby!

Va
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10,907 posts
15 reviews
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25. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

I like my kids. They go everywhere I go. I wouldn't think of leaving them at home.

Minnesota
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for Cancun
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11,853 posts
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26. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

chloe - I laughed out loud when I read your response! We took our kids every trip when they were little. Took photos. Just knew they were having a blast. A few years back (high school maybe) my son was looking at my daughter's graduation photos and pictures of her trips and he said....why didn't I ever get to go to Disney World or anywhere else when I was little? My jaw dropped! We had to get the photo album out and prove he'd been to Disney EVERY YEAR, Hawaii, Florida beaches multiple times - and he didn't remember one minute of is! Then when my daughter was in college and taking a child psychology class she reminded me...little ones don't develop long term memory until 3-5 years. Some might younger but most don't remember those "lifelong" memories until older. Obviously my son was at the longer tabula rasa end of the spectrum.

Parents should do what they want but not worry about their kids missing out. Kids enjoy time away from their routines. That can be just as much fun at Grandma and Grandpa's. My kids look back on those trips to G&G's as as special as vacations...until they got older and G&G went with us. Now those were a blast! We took G&G to Hawaii on year, Cancun another, all over the US with us.

Personally, I'd go on an adult vacation. When your little ones grow up you have lots of time to build family memories....wait until they can actually remember them.

Cheryl

Va
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10,907 posts
15 reviews
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27. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

I have never taken a vaction for the purpose of being able to remember it.

Charlotte, North...
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1,309 posts
19 reviews
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28. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

I have not been fortunate enough to be blessed with children so I can only give you a perspective of the friend on the adults trip......Your friends will never tell you "no" when it comes to bringing your kids but the truth is that while they love your kids it will change the dynamic of the trip. It was planned as a adult event, not a family event and they may not have chosen to go if they knew you were bringing your baby. Don't put yourselves or them in an awkward position especially when there are grandparents who are interested in caring for the child.

Also, a friend who does have kids recently debated this issue and ultimately decided to leave the child behind based on these questions: Am I bringing my child for me or for him? Will he be happier spending this time with his grandparents or on a plane, a hotel, and a hot beach?

Charlottesville...
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1,182 posts
220 reviews
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29. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

sunngod, to imply that those of us do not like our kids is very inappropriate. Our kids go on most of our vacations with us but not all. The time away where we can relax, recharge and reconnect as a couple make us better parents. I have no doubt that they are having as much fun at home as they would with us; sometimes more. I don't feel guilty. And how do I know I am a good mom? They are happy, healthy, on honor roll and in advanced classes at school, and able to function independently because we aren't together all the time. They light up when we walk in the room- even our teenage daughter. That alone I consider an achievement.

I do not question your parenting abilities nor your feelings for your children. Please do not question mine or the feelings of other people trying to help each other on the board. Lets just all go to the beach and have fun.

Pennsylvania
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30. Re: Bring the boy or leave him with Grandparents?

@chloesmom, I agree with you. I was offended by the remark too, implying I didn't like my children, but even when they were younger I wouldn't have taken them out of the country because we couldn't afford four on a trip like that. instead, my children enjoyed Disney World every other year when they turned 5 and 7. I still would not take a 14 month old to Mexico with friends with no children. I would not want to be taking care of someone else's child and I think there are certain times when children should be left at home. To be honest, if my parents had been willing to keep mine for a week, they'd probably have a much better relationship with their grandparents. My parents were not willing to do that and suffice it to say, they don't have a very well bonded relationship. So if others have parents willing to do that, it is truly a blessing.

As for sunngod's other comment, I DO go on vacation to remember and make memories, with or without my children. We were just looking back at photos with the kids from DW and it brought back great memories.