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New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

baltimore
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New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

I am having an anxiety attack about leaving my son for a 5-day trip to Mexico. My parents will be staying with him and he is comfortable with them, but we have never left this child alone overnight, ever! I can't sleep thinking about this. I have written up a will and a letter for him "just in case" but I am plagued by indecision. I have trip insurance for this very reason - now I am having second thoughts about leaving him. Any advice from other parents out there? Maybe we can go to a family resort instead of an adults-only resort. i.e maybe Dreams instead of Secrets??

Help!

Cancun, Mexico
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1. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

You go and enjoy He will not even notice your missing (Ask Lilly about that) I belive it is very important for couples to have time apart from the Kids, you will not regret it at all.

Scotland
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for Scotland
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2. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

I've got a different opinion from the previous poster.

You've said it - you're having an anxiety attack and you can't sleep. Listen to yourself.

If its bothering you now it'll bother you while you are away. Why put yourself through the stress. Book into a good family resort with a kids programme and you'll all enjoy yourselves.

Cancun, Mexico
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3. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

Maybe you Should ask Your Husband what he would prefer.

Colo Spgs
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for Cozumel
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4. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

Have you considered working up to a longer separation? Try a few hours. Do it daily. Then an overnighter.

mo
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5. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

We struggle with this also. Although we did go to Boston a couple of months ago - first trip w/out our babies. I was such a nervous wreck I had to get a small script of zanax for my anxiety. I couldn't eat, sleep and was ready to call the whole thing off. I also wrote a "what if" letter. Our babes are 1 year apart and I am one exhausted momma (daughter 16 months, son 28 months). We travel with our kids already, but I really want to just get away and relax without them. DH and I need some one on one time. And I am sure you and your spouse are the same.

Here is what we did to make it easier (easier I say, not pleasant)

1. We spent a night at a hotel in town one night prior to leaving. We did this a few weeks before our trip. Guess what...all was fine. the kids had fun and the house didn't burn down :)

**This gets the little ones familiar with staying w/someone**

2. Grandparents came to our house when we traveled.

**That way little ones are in a familiar environment**

3. Called OB and told him about my issues. Gave me script for anti-anxiety which helped me board the plane and sleep the night before leaving.

4. Like I said in my above post, we have already traveled with our babies. We went to DisneyWorld with them last September and Washington DC in February. We have another family trip to Disney scheduled for October. It's nice to go as a family, but it's also wonderful to go just the two of you.

5. Just keep telling yourself how nice it will be to relax with your spouse. You can eat when you want, have a cocktail, swim and not have to watch the baby, have relations in your hotel room :) You can go on tours and not worry about your 3 year old drinking the water and getting sick. You don't have to cut up anyones food, you don't have to pick a restaurant that is kid-friendly or serves chicken nuggets and fries!

Good~Luck on your decision.

mo
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6. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

one more thing: if you do go w/out baby consider an adults only. It may make you miss your little one even more seeing other 3 year olds playing....

Wiltshire, U.K.
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7. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

quietvacation,

I have had a whole year of feeling the way you do.

We booked last May and didn't travel until earlier this month so I know all the ups and downs of how you are feeling.

I have an eight year old and a two year old. They were staying with my parents too.

You know what?

My parents and the kids had just as good a time as us.

They went on some days out and the kids were spoiled rotten.

I couldn't get through to them on the phone for the first couple of days so I was starting to panic that they'd be crying for me.

Eventually on day three I managed to speak to my 8 year old.

He answered the phone with the words, 'Can't talk now mum, I'm watching Doctor Who'.

So he was really missing me, huh?

My two year old coped even better.

She has never spent a night away from me before either.

And you know what? She didn't mention me once.

Infact she's been calling me 'Nana' ever since.

I would definately go for it.

Next holiday we'll be taking the kids... but I really appreciate the time me and the BF have had on our own for the first time in 8 years.

I feel that we're close again. And that has to be good news for the whole family.

Does that make sense?

chicago
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8. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

Ok, so I’m not a parent (thus I’m still logical when it comes to kids, since I believe new parents are waaay over-protective ). Lol.

Lighten up! GO! You 3 yr old will be just fine for 5 days (and longer). Have some fun. Remember you’re human beings also, aside from parents. You’re a couple. Spend some time unburdened by tantrums and Sesame Street.

I assume you’re not leaving him entirely alone, correct? I’m kidding. The tot will be great without you for the 5 days, unless it’s a special needs child, then check with their doctor.

Otherwise, all you need is detailed instructions on everyday routine as well as case of emergency, for caretaker. Promise the tot you’ll bring him a nice sombrero (shark tooth necklace, etc) – IF they’ll behave. And for god’s sake, don’t call to check in more than once a day. That’s it.

I say so, because MY own parents certainly never hesitated to leave me for a vacation. In fact, my grandparents/relatives basically raised me from 9 month to 4 yrs old (both of my parents were still in college then). I grew up to be independent and happy.

So, I can VOUCH your child will not be traumatized by the arrangement. If anything, here is a chance for the kid to learn some new social skills. If your child has never been left alone in 3 years, he may benefit from this more than you think.

Nothing is going to happen, trust me. You never left the kid alone, you say – isn’t this time you had a real vacation in 3 years?? Gosh.

Americans are way too serious about parenting. Us Eastern Europeans seem to evade martyrdom for the sake of one’s offspring. LOL.

I remember LILY agonizing over the same problem :) sounds like she made the right choice.

What exactly are you worried about?

pittsburgh
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9. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

I feel your pain Quiet. This is a very sore subject at my house. I have only left my son 1 time since he's been born and have never left my daughter. We travel with them a couple of times every year. They are 3 & 6 and they have been all over the world. My husband would leave them behind in a heartbeat, me on the other hand I dont' have any desire to. My reasoning is I work full time, so when I'm on vacation I want to spend it with them. Vacation is the only time when I can focus on them and them only. Being together as a family is very important to me so when chosing our vacation I plan accordingly making sure that it will be kid friendly. I agree that couples do need their time alone but I just don't know how much company I would be if I'm worrying about my kids. Oh well to each's own. Good luck with your decision.

Portland, Oregon
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10. Re: New Parents: Leaving 3 year-old for the 1st time!!

I say go. Yes, you will worry. But your kidlet is in good hands,(the best, right? After all, it's your own parents) and I think it's healthy for kids to get used to spending time with other caregivers. Plus, you will be a better, more relaxed mom when you get back because you've had a break, and you and your husband will have a chance to spend some quality couple time, which will benefit your child in the long run, too.

I know it's hard, but all will be fine. My hubby and I have been going away on our anniversary since my kids were tiny (we left our daugher overnight with my mom when daughter was 3 months old!), and leaving them with my parents. Kids are now 14 and 17 and both very well-adusted and independent. It's better to start now, when the child is young; if you don't, you'll have a ten year old who can't bear to be away from mommy and daddy for any length of time. Trust me, you're going to want to have the option of going away alone once in while as your kids grow. The stress of being a parent doesn't let up when they get older, and everyone needs a break now and then.