Thinking of swimming in areas known to be frequented by sharks? Read this information first. It might just help, but I doubt it.
1. Don’t swim in the sea.
More than 99% of all shark attacks happen in large water masses known as oceans. The way to establish if you’re in an ocean is to taste the water. It should taste salty.
2. Swim with overweight people.
Always make sure there are overweight people already in the water before you enter. Chances are that you will be able to swim faster than them and save yourself.
3. Don’t enter the water without a knife.
Use it to stab the nearest swimmer when you see a shark. As soon a he/she bleeds profusely, swim as fast as you can to the shore and claim that you tried your best to save him/her. You just might end up getting an award for bravery.
4. Listen intently for music.
All sharks are accompanied by a “theme song”. If you hear the following, swim for your life: da..dam, da...dam, da...dam. If it sounds like this: dadam, dadam, dadam, forget it. You’re already a goner.
5. Don’t panic.
Stay calm if a shark bites you. It’s all over, you’re gone and it doesn’t help to try and survive. The people on the shore will appreciate it, as they don’t want to hear all your mad yelling and screaming - it’s not nice. Please think of the children.