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Suggestions for a lazy fat turd who likes to sit on his...

Brisbane, Australia
3 posts
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Suggestions for a lazy fat turd who likes to sit on his...

Well, the topic line says it all doesnt it? Just looking for suggestions as to an ok place to stay on white beach.

Shooting over there in about a week from now. I want my day to consist of: sleeping in, go eat something for breaky maybe, roll my fat ar$e to the beach (be better if right outside my door), lay on a deck chair perhaps, have drinks and food brought to me while im under my tree/umbrella, roll into the water for a swim perhaps, get back on the chair, more lazing/eating/drinking, then perhaps go for afternoon sleep, then go get into the dinner/bar/party scene by about 5 or 6pm, go hard, find some poor girl desparate enough to go home with me, stumble home and try my best, fall asleep, and wake up again for round 2. Maybe there might be some diving or boating or day activities in there, but honestly i cant see it happening. Actually, a game of golf with some chick in a bikini driving my golf cart might be good.

I wont say "its gotta be this price or less", but seriously all i need is a room with toilet, shower, double/queen bed with mossie net would be good, fridge ok but prob wont use it at all, and room be lockable (dont want my jocks stolen do I?)

I wont rule out a hotel style room, but some old piece of crap bungalow on the beach would be pretty awesome i reckon. Quiet at night when sleeping would be good, please dont let the walls be paper thin because I snore too.

Have been trawling the web and there are probably hundreds that satisfy the above, but i seriously couldn't be ar$ed thinking about it any more. I am putting as much effort into planning this thing as what I plan to put into sitting on my ring and getting even fatter on the beach each day. If i cant work it out I will just turn up and hope to find something, hell, I'll sleep on the friggin beach if I have to but dont want to wake up with an ar$e crack full of sand and a dog turd in my eye.

Please help me have a nice quiet lazy catered relax during the day, and then also a rad time at night by giving me some good advice where to stay.

Oh dear relaxing daytime bungalow stil close to the action, where are you?

I'm tired, someone bring me my slippers....

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9,316 posts
12 reviews
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1. Re: Suggestions for a lazy fat turd who likes to sit on his...

Hi Lazy Turd!

I think Nigi Nigi Nu Noos (I'm not kidding) might be suitable for you. They have nice cottages, plenty of action nearby, a popular beach bar (with extended happy hour) and a great restaurant. You can also sit outside on the beach and be waited on hand and foot.

Another one that might suit you is Boracay Beach Resort. The location is nicer (a little quieter), but it's just a minute or so's walk to the centre of the action.

Another cottage style place is Ban's Beach Resort.

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191 posts
1 review
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2. Re: Suggestions for a lazy fat turd who likes to sit on his...

Yes, go to Bans Beach Resort. This suits your personality you lazy bum. hahaha

Brisbane, Australia
3 posts
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3. Re: Suggestions for a lazy fat turd who likes to sit on his...

Awww don't be mean ! Just trying to paint the picture so some good advice can come back.

The last thing I want is to not say a lot, then you give me some advice, then when I get there I get disappointed or think its not what i was expecting or hoping.

Ok so I checked out Nigi Nii Nu Noos on the internet and that looks pretty sweet. However I am having trouble finding anything on Boracay Beach Resort (Just generic Boracay info seems to come up). And info on Ban's is a little hard to find too (some thing in Thailand keeps coming up). Any advice on where to find more info on these?

Thanks for your patience, and help everyone.

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99 posts
16 reviews
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4. Re: Suggestions for a lazy fat turd who likes to sit on his...

hi Rubber

How are you still single, you sound like such a catch.

Brisbane, Australia
3 posts
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5. Re: Suggestions for a lazy fat turd who likes to sit on his...

Mate, its all about me!

Really I don't know sometimes, you would think a man with my cast iron physique and highly apprecitaive attitude towards women would mean they would be dripping off me.

I think I will move to Boracay and open a go-go bar and be the quality assurance/testing/recruitment manager....

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763 posts
53 reviews
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6. Re: Suggestions for a lazy fat turd who likes to sit on his...

Hiya! They're right, Nigi Nigi looks like the perfect place for you. It's managed by a rugby-loving Aussie right now, so maybe that'll get you a special rate...

Boracay Beach Resort's website is www.boracaybeachresort.com

Good luck!