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Funny Questions and Answers

Naples, Florida
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Funny Questions and Answers

I know New Yorkers often get justifiably impatient and acerbic with some of the imponderable questions asked by visitors to this forum, so I thought I would share with you some genuine questions and answers from an Australian tourist website. I wish I could provide a link to this, but I received it from my daughter's office in an e-mail so I can't do it. Glad to see responses as witty a as those often seen here. Hope I started your weekend with a chuckle or two.....

Q - I have never seen it rain on TV in Australia. How do the plants grow? (UK)

A- We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q- Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A - Depends on how much you have been drinking

Q- I want to walk from Perth to Sydney -- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A- Sure, it's only 3,000 miles, take lots of water

Q - Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and Hervey Bay (UK)

A - What did your last slave die of?

Q- Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A - A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.....Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q - Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A - Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q- Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A- Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Q - Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A - Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir sings every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q - Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A - You are a British politician, right?

Q - Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round ? (Germany)

A - No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q - Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A - Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where you come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q - I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A- It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q - I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A - Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q - Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A - Only at Christmas

Q - Will I be able to speak English most places I go ? (USA)

A - Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Queens, New York
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1. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

I'd laugh, but sarcasm and facetiousness are prohibited on this forum.

New York, NY
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2. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

Too funny! Someone should create one like this for NYC and post it as a sticky.

New York City, New...
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3. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

I will memorize some of these answers and use them regularly here!

Long Island
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4. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

These are funny!

However, regarding the question about kangaroos in the street: this may not be such a stupid question, I don't think : )

If you go to Jackson, Wyoming, or nearby Yellowstone National Park, you often see Bison or Elk roaming the streets and tying up traffic. I have a great picture of a herd of elk on a person's front lawn, one of which is right at the front door.

Naples, Florida
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5. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

Daninny--

I'll have to trust the Aussies on this one. We have had deer,fox, raccoons,groundhogs ,coyotes and other wildlife visit our suburban homes over the years, but I'd be surprised to see one of them strolling along Fifth Avenue in NYC. Pigeons, squirrels and rats? For sure. And down here in Florida, we may get alligators in our ponds and on our golf courses (and some folks have found them at their homes), but on the streets in the cities? Hope not ! We do have turtles,ducks, egrets and ibis along our streets though. Very atmospheric.

New York
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6. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

While the whole point of this forum is about introducing non-native fauna to an insular ecosystem, such an undertaking has it's perils, apparently:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32345777/

Brooklyn, NY
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7. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

Good stuff here. I can't wait to see the Hippo Races at Kings Cross. Do they open for the Vienna Boys Choir, or the other way around. I am a little bit worried about the sun, as it never rains on Aussie TV, will I be allowed to wear a hat if I am naked. I was hoping for one with all of those dangly corks.

As the saying goes, God must love idiots, he made so many of them.

Connecticut Yankee
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8. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

And the drop bears really aren't anything to joke about either. I read they were now absolutely immune to the protective qualities of human urine and were eating brains willy nilly come hither and thon.

Long Island
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9. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

Cranky:

I do recall a couple of years ago, a coyote or something like that was spotted in Central Park. I think this happens every now and then.

London, United...
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10. Re: Funny Questions and Answers

Witty answers instead of impatient ones! Whatever next?