After searching out food for a good hour on bicycles on Christmas day, we came to the realization that everything was closed except for the hotel restaurants. As we were exhausted having been travelling the night before on a redeye, we decided to go back to our hotel's restaurant, the Blue Iguana. When I looked it up on Tripadvisor and saw it was ranked 24th of 49 restaurants on Seven Mile Beach, I was a bit concerned, but too tired to make additional effort. What scares me is there are 25 restaurants worse than this one. I can't believe this is possible. Being on an island where fish would be local, we ordered mahi mahi fish tacos. It was just about the only thing on the menu that was using local food, as everything else was burgers and fries and chicken fingers and other fried frozen pieces of garbage. We should have known when we were the only ones in the restaurant that there was a reason. The tacos arrived and the fish looked good, but they had covered it in imitation American cheese food, and served it with guacamole paste obviously not fresh, bottled salsa that tasted horrible and sour cream that I can't complain about. As hungry as we were, we choked them down, and headed to bed for a good twelve hours of rest. Not getting enough of a good thing for Christmas dinner, we returned the following morning for breakfast on the 26th, ordering a ham, egg and cheese croissant and eggs Florentine. I got a bacon egg and cheese croissant, but didn't bother to argue, as it would have taken them another 45 minutes to make it. When I asked for salt, they didn't have any shakers, but brought me some in a plastic dish. Seriously? no salt shakers? After taking the order, the waitress returned 15 minutes later to inform us they didn't have any English muffins, so they would be putting the eggs over biscuits. When my girlfriend asked for alternatives, she was told biscuits was the only choice. I suggested the croissant, and the waitress agreed that they could do that as well. They came out with barely enough powder and water made from a packet hollandaise to cover the egg, and the spinach was almost grey from being so overcooked. Getting a check was another exercise in patience, as the waitress had 2 other customers and seemed to be overwhelmed. Returning that evening to get a beer, as I didn't think they could screw that up, the bartender started to pour a draft and the keg went to foam 1/3 of the pour in. She said not to worry, I could wait 5 minutes and she would change the keg. Ten minutes later, she reappeared telling me she had bad news- she couldn't find the keys to get into the fridge where the kegs were stored. I just started laughing and told her to give me a different one in a bottle. Thank god I am leaving this place today, off to greener pastures in Honduras!
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