After running my father's birthday party for almost 10 solid hours, I was really looking forward to this "boutique" hotel my mum had booked my wife and I into ... The hotel manager/owner should be ashamed.
We arrived late, around midnight,to find flickering lightbulbs in the already dimly lit labyrinthian corridor to our room.
This was followed by walking into a room that looked like it had been decorated by a drug addict with an Argos catalogue from.the 1980s, and no, not in a "cool, how retro" kind of way.
The room was so hot, that even with the tiny paint chipped window fully open, we were both sweating all night...not because it was such a romantic location...beleive me.
The bathroom extraction system was so absurdly noisy that I had to use the toilet in the dark for fear of waking up people in Leeds, let alone my sleeping wife. The decor in the bathroom was a drab cream that looked like it hadn't seen a proper clean since before the hotel was built. The shower was pathetically weak and the imitation Molton Brown soap was broken, so it was a pretty dissapointing bathing experience. And don't even get me started on disposable bath mats......disgraceful.
Finally the crowning glory in this comedy of errors ... The 'bed' ... I call it a 'bed' because a real bed is something you can sleep on... What we had to contend with was some kind of design monstrosity topped with a mattress I can only assume was made of jelly as it was so soft i had to hold the sheet to prevent myself from falling out (i spent the entire night with one foot on the floor to the same effect)
Almost a week later and I'm still in pain from that one evening at hotel noir.
What a disgrace.
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- Also Known As:
- Noir Hotel York
- Hotel Noir York/Clifton