The husband and I nip off for a night or two in Brighton whenever we can and have stayed in seven or eight Brighton hotels over the past five years, ranging from the pricey to the budget: this was by far the worst.
We gathered from the empty glasses and dirty ashtrays littering the tables outside the front entrance that the standard of care wasn't going to be great ... and we weren't wrong! The reception staff we're perhaps a little confused but very polite and we checked in OK. We went to wait for the lift to take us and our heavy suitcase to our third floor room .... and we waited ... and waited ... and waited. After about 15 minutes (no joke) the lift arrived, full of a maid with her cleaning cart: she looked vaguely surprised and pressed a button, the doors closed and away went the lift. We waited a bit longer and then gave up and lugged the suitcase up the stairs between us.
In brief, the delux (hah!) seaview room was not particularly clean and, although the panoramic view was breathtaking, the windows were filthy so it was a little hard to see; the bathroom was utilitarian, cold and uncomfortable. We did a quick change and made our way back down to what had looked to be quite a nice bar area.
We were the only people at the bar and the bar tender kept us waiting ages while he ran around like a headless chicken with some boxes, and then started cleaning down behind the bar: husband politely asked if the bar was open, to which we got a distracted yes, and after a couple of minutes more asked if we could perhaps order a drink: the bar tender seemed quite taken aback and said he was straightening up, to which charming husband said yes, he could understand he had things to get on with, but perhaps we might just get a drink first. Drinks were duly provided with ill temper and I tried to sign them to the room; barman said we had to arrange this with the front desk and leave a credit card imprint if we wanted to sign things to the room; I said yes, I understood, and that we had done this already; barman said no we hadn't; I (who am less charming than my husband) said oh yes we had; barman said we hadn't; I invited barman to speak to reception staff (a whole 15 feet away) and confirm; barman huffed and stomped over to reception staff where he was told that I had indeed left an imprint and could sign for things; barman sulked back behind bar and produced slip for signing with bad grace and not the merest hint of an apology; husband and I said thanks, took our drinks out to a dirty table at the front of hotel and burst out laughing at the Faulty Towers-esque performance we had just been subjected to.
Sleep was hard to come by: they can't help the noise from the street and the hen and stag parties they had staying perhaps, but the incessant and unbelievably loud slapping, flapping and banging that went on all night long had us wondering .... we stumbled out of our room bleary eyed in the morning to see what on Earth had been causing the noise and stared up in disbelief at a plastic tarpaulin covering a large sky light at the top of the stairs just above our heads. The high winds - it is Brighton seafront afterall - had it booming and banging with gusto. All. Night. Long. We shrugged and, forgoing the utterly pointless lift, bumbled down to breakfast.
The breakfast staff were charming but it didn't make up for the breakfast. Value brown or white bread for toasting, vats of value corn and bran flakes, and everything else was off the menu. You were allowed one item from the choice - so no fruit unless you're willing to go without your cooked breakfast to get it. Surely a modest fruit bowl is standard fair in even the crummiest hotels? The husband ordered the full English and was presented with tinned mushrooms: who the heck serves tinned mushrooms anymore - they're disgusting! I ordered the pancakes and berries: the trade description act could not have been more closely followed - berries it was; two of them - one strawberry sliced into three stuck between two pancakes and one lone blueberry sitting forlornly on top of my pancakes. Sad.
Needless to say we ran back up the stairs, ducked under the flapping tarpaulin, threw everything in our suitcase which, with a quick glance back at the bleary view through the grubby windows, we lugged all the way back down the stairs between us, out the front doors and away as fast as our little legs would carry us.
And just in case it's not perfectly clear, no; we won't be going back.
- Official Description (provided by the hotel):
- Experience the best of Brighton's rich heritage and it's vibrant seaside lifestyle of today when staying at the Kings Hotel Brighton on Brighton Seafront. Housed in 3 lovingly restored Regency mansions, The Kings Hotel Brighton enjoys a prime location on Brighton's famous seafront. The hotel is steps away from the beach, Brighton Conference Centre and the great shops and entertainment venues of the town centre. You can expect a warm welcome from the friendly team at The Kings Hotel Brighton. Reception is open 24 hours a day, so no matter what time you arrive, a member of staff will be on hand to greet you and offer local information. Each of the 96 bedrooms at this sea front hotel has been appointed with care and style. All rooms are en-suite and offer every comfort needed for a relaxing stay. Many of the rooms boast exceptional sea views. Each room type at The Kings Hotel Brighton is designed for complete comfort. Family rooms and bedrooms adapted for the complete accessibility of guests with mobility difficulties are available upon request. ... more less
- Reservation Options:
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- Also Known As:
- Kings Hotel Brighton