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“Horrendous! Worst management/bouncers in London. Should be closed down. Please do NOT go here and warn others.”
Review of Kanaloa

Kanaloa
Ranked #951 of 1,284 Nightlife in London
Attraction details
London, United Kingdom
1 review
common_n_attraction_reviews_1bd8 5 helpful votes
“Horrendous! Worst management/bouncers in London. Should be closed down. Please do NOT go here and warn others.”
Reviewed 11 February 2014

Went to a birthday party here for a friend last week who is a girl, and she had booked an area upstairs for about 20-30 people and paid a £250 bar tab. It was on a Friday and the place was not busy at all. In fact people were leaving when I arrived about 9pm - the others had to get there around 7pm in order to be guaranteed to get in. What sort of a club requires people to enter around 7pm in order to guarantee entry?

At 10.30pm there was no queue outside, but a load of her friends (all girls) had turned up but the bouncers and management wouldn't let them in. All were respectable young professionals, dressed to impress, and completely sober. The birthday girl spent most of the night negotiating entry for her friends, but the bouncers were having none of it. It didn't seem to bother the management that she had spent a LOT of money there and booked a room specially for her birthday party. What none of us could understand was that the place was incredibly quiet, yet they were turning away people!

In the end, we took everyone out of the club at 11pm and went to another place. Several of us tried to have pleasant conversations with the management, but left feeling incredibly frustrated. Every single one of the bouncers and the chap who is apparently the manager looked completely disinterested and couldn't have cared any less that they had just ruined a birthday party and the nights of several people who were there to celebrate a girl's birthday.

I have been to this club 3 times in total including this last time, and every single time it has been absolutely rubbish. The only reason I went before was because my friends who live in the area dragged me to it. They have now also come to the realisation that the place does not deserve the attention and custom of intelligent young people who are after a good time.

I have been to several clubs in cities across the UK, and obviously London has some of the rudest/aggressive bouncers and management, but I have never come across such horrendous, rude, ignorant, aggressive and quite frankly stupid people that run a night club.

I sincerely urge you and anyone you care about to avoid this place. I never write reviews about anything, but I feel so strongly about the complete lack of care and disregard the management have for paying customers. The picture of Beyonce they use when you search for this place on Google is completely misleading. She probably ended up here by mistake, instead of Mahiki.

AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

Visited February 2014
Helpful?
5 Thank Brown_Bear777
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC
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Date | Rating
  • English first
  • Russian first
  • Any
English first
London, United Kingdom
1 review
common_n_attraction_reviews_1bd8 2 helpful votes
“Avoid! Bad management and head doorman”
Reviewed 5 February 2014

It was my friends 30th party who is a female.Head doorman did not let me and my friend in because we didnt have females with us although we tried to explain that all the females were inside. We then waited for other female mates but he still did not let us in and his only excuse was because once your rejected its final. We were on the guest list and had over 15 female mates including three with us to go in and he still wouldnt. So me and my mate missed her 30th because of his bad and aggresive attitude. Terrible so please dont plan parties here otherwise half the people wont get in even if they are on guest list.

Visited February 2014
Helpful?
2 Thank M6-Ata
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC
London, United Kingdom
Level Contributor
7 reviews
common_n_attraction_reviews_1bd8 13 helpful votes
“STAY AWAY!! RIDICULOUS STAFF/MANAGEMENT/BOUNCERS, TERRIBLE MUSIC, CHAV "LIQUIDS" TYPE OF CROWD, FOOD - DISGUSTING!”
Reviewed 28 January 2014

This is by far, the WORST place I have ever been to in my life. I have no idea how they are still in business, especially seeing as the reviews I've seen all say the same thing! We unfortunately didn't read the reviews and ended up coming here and had to experience it for ourselves.

The club/bar whatever the hell this hell-hole is, is located in the middle of office blocks so there is no atmosphere anywhere around, nothing. So the bouncers know that either you come in here or pay an extra £30/40 to go to another location (which i wish we did!!!).

I have no idea how the management staff and bouncers especially the "head bouncer" Armand Mustav ever got their jobs in the first place. He is absolutely disgusting - the RUDEST, the most arrogant person I have ever come across in my life - and the manager is even WORSE!!

It confuses me how Kanaloa employs these people to represent their brand.

Their business is suffering at the hands of these people running it into the ground, the club was practically empty on a Saturday night. There were around 6 tables taken, the dance floor was empty... Lets just say this, ever watched the Inbetweeners movie? Think of the first bar they walk into in Malia...

In regards to the food...think of Iceland finger foods.

Anyway on top of them not letting some of the guys in for wearing Vans (of which upon booking they mentioned would be accepted by the door staff) so some of our party was turned away and we all got together for a birthday party.

A member of our party was assaulted inside the club, the bouncers didn't know what happened and chucked our group out of the club. None of the members of our party gave neither physical or verbal abuse to the other party, but WE were the ones that were chucked out - we were told by the bouncers it was because the head bouncer just didn't like us! (All this because the head bouncer didn't like us from the start because of the issue with the vans...)

The bouncers and the manager ignored our attempt to report an assault inside of the club - so we called the police.

It shocks me that Novus Leisure is a partner and is associated with this place. They clearly do not monitor or send secret shoppers to their venues to see how things are being run.

This place is ridiculous and it really needs to be shut down. It's a disgrace to represent London Nightlife.

(Oh by the way I didn't mention the music... Oh my god. They might as well have started playing lullabies)

Anyway - do not waste your time, money or energy on this place. Just trust me and the numerous amounts of people that have complained about the same thing.

Stay away!!!

Visited January 2014
Helpful?
3 Thank doreen k
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC
Level Contributor
5 reviews
common_n_attraction_reviews_1bd8 6 helpful votes
“Awful experience”
Reviewed 15 January 2014 via mobile

Booked an area for a Birthday Party. The sales team were quite useless on the mail, great though went I went to have a look the venue in person. I preordered some food and paid for it and they booked my table at 7.30. When i arrived on Saturday my area was booked at 9 instead. Not really big deal but if we add the rest of the night everything counts. The food preorder had to be out by 9. At 10 I realised 2 of the platters didn't come out at all so we got them at 10.30pm... When people didn't want anymore food so I wasted my money. Cocktails were good, expensive though but we knew about that. What I was really disappointed with, was when I went for a cigarette and the door man being so rude didn't let me come in again. Apparently I was drunk. No was I was. Pissed? Maybe, but this is a night club and you serve alcohol, what are you expecting, people drinking water??? I did't make any show, nothing wrong and didn't argue with anyone. Just was having fun with my friends. Nothing else. I organised my own birthday party and I get kicked out with no reason? Spending only on my own more than £150? Plus all the money my friends spent.... And it was 15 of us.... Rude people at the door and manager absolutely rude and careless. Never be back again.

Helpful?
1 Thank Vila2180
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC
London, United Kingdom
2 reviews
common_n_attraction_reviews_1bd8 1 helpful vote
“Rubbish Club -waste of money and time! :@”
Reviewed 14 January 2014

It was my boyfriend's birthday and I felt so let down. They play 50's music and music I have never ever heard of. I even went to the club a day before to make sure everything was good and i was assured everything would be good. They said they would give us munchies that was paid for and I never got that! It was a really big pi** take and when i complained about the DJ who played old music all the way through the management couldnt care less!There were literally people on the dance floor we werent even dancing, I think the DJ is a disgrace to his job! Drinks are also a rip off (4 shots for 34 pounds like WHATTTTTT) they think we have a tree at the back of garden which produces money for us. When I spoke to the manager about the music he said he cannot do anything. A BIG LET DOWN , GET A GRIP AND SORT OUT YOUR CLUB!

Visited January 2014
Helpful?
1 Thank Manika D
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC

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