Firstly, look at Google street view before you decide you want to book here. The carefully digitally altered photos of the hotel are misleading, so look on Google Street view at it. Also it’s very easy for you to find – you’ll see the big blue ‘sex shop’ sign way before you’ll see the hotels sign!
A group of us stayed here end of march, we were given rooms on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd floors.
The sex shop is now only under half the hotel, the other half is currently being outfitted as a grocery store.
The room I had was on the 3rd floor and at the front of the building. It was small, but had a double bed with two single sized duvets, two pillows which looked full and plump but flattened out to paper thin within milliseconds on my head touching them. The room stank of stale smoke. The bathroom was small but had a corner shower, sink and toilet, which were all clean, though the carpet in the room looked dirty and worn out.
The hotel reception looks bright enough, but the corridor and stairwell leading up to the rooms was worn, dim and the floorboards were very creaky. There I a lift, but it opens out onto the stairwell in between floors so you still have one flight to go up with your luggage.
I was not impressed and was grateful it was only one night. I’m also not used to having to hand in the key to my room when I leave!
Out of our group of four, only one person got any sleep that night (he was quite drunk though). The rest of us got the odd few hours only, though for different reasons.
One of these rooms on the first floor was behind reception, and located above the sex shop. There was music coming from somewhere (most likely the sex shop as it has a cinema in it) all night long keeping my colleague awake, the music stopped around 6am, but shortly afterwards, people started appearing in the reception area for breakfast waking him up again.
The other two rooms were both located at the front of the hotel facing the road below. This is a cobbled road, which seems to carry a lot of traffic.
One of these rooms was ‘sex shop side’, the other was above the empty grocery store.
Neither or us got any sleep in these rooms either, the noise from the cobbled street below was awful. It was as though the windows just were not there. They were double glazed, but did not appear to fit the building or window frames correctly as all the noise from outside came straight through. Cars rumbling over the cobbles every few seconds, people walking down the street talking, shouting, sirens going off, car stereos blearing out etc.
You could also hear from within the hotel people walking up the stairwell, doors slamming etc.
The room which was on the sex shop side you could also hear music playing all night long. It was not particularly loud (but at the third floor it shouldn’t be) but it was noticeable enough to add to the noise level keeping me awake.
In the morning I figured a nice hot shower, a good breakfast and I’ll be right as rain.
Nope, the shower head was clogged up so I got about a quarter of the amount of water jets working, which is a pathetic amount. But at least it was hot water coming out of those few jets! I seemed to be the only one with a poor shower, everyone else said theirs was fine.
Breakfast was typical continental, no English breakfast tea though; herbal or earl grey or a coffee machine was available. Cereal tasted stale so I left that. Toast, cheese, salami slices and cooked scrambled egg were available.
If you’re male and planning to be out drinking, can sleep through anything and want something cheap then you’ll be fine here.
If you’re female, don’t bother! Really, I didn’t feel comfortable in the area but I was with a group of men so that was fine, but I wouldn’t want to be there on my own, and combined with everything above I cant see many women wanting to stay here!
I’d definitely stay clear of this one, there are much nicer hotels in the area for not much more, but I guess it depends on how much you value a good night’s sleep!
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- Also Known As:
- Lumen Hotel Hamburg