If I had the direct input of James Joyce and William Shakespeare, it would be difficult to put into words the five sense atrocity that awaits you in this trattoria. From start to finish, the food was so fabulously awful. We had three dishes, each of which deserves mention. Firstly there was a pork dish. It is to my own shame that I did not photograph it, as any description cannot convey the visual retching that it induced. I unaware of an abortion clinic in the vicinity, however, this looked like a the product. A limp, purple piece of road kill, with half a glass of wine thrown over to disguise any moving parts was produced with no accompaniment. One can only assume that it was prepared by a strategically shaved orang-utan assisted by the electrified corpse of Marlan Brando and then finished by Stevie Wonder. Next came a pasta dish with a mysterious meat. There were pieces of what looked like ?chicken / beef / monkey genitalia and bay leaves. The bay leaves served the purpose of camouflaging the underlying affront and, as such, one has to commend on the grounds of pragmatism. Finally, there was a pecorino ravioli in a creamy sauce. The sauce had a consistency of strained water, the ravioli tasted like it came out of a freezer. It had the accolade of being the only one of the three dishes that was technically edible. One person braved a coffee, which was surprisingly good. I should add that this is the only bad meal I have ever had in Italy (I've been about seven times).
I feel I owe it to humanity to try to illustrate how biblically terrible this meal was. It made the plague of locusts seem like a nice ex-foliating massage.
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