For $750 a night, you could stay at three other hotels in the area that aren't awful. We came down for a wedding that was having the reception at the hotel, and since we were in the bridal party, we really had no choice as to where we stayed. Let me put it this way - I've stayed in hotels in third world countries that were better than this dump. To begin with, the parking costs $17 a night, and you'd better believe you're paying it. The on-street parking for several blocks around the hotel is fine as long as you're willing to go drive your car around between 2 and 6am to avoid getting towed. And since there's no public transportation, you're parking in their lot. The idea of a hotel of this price point charging you to park may seem ludicrous to you - it did to me, too - but that's how they roll at the Fess Parker. The layout of the hotel is like that scene in The Blair Witch Project where they realize they've walked past the same pile of rocks over and over again. And painting the names of the buildings with the flowering plants they’re named after only works if you haven't allowed plants to grow so tall as to obscure the painting. The signage is well-hidden and incomprehensible, and the room order makes no sense whatsoever. Oh, and "mountain view" means "parking lot adjacent", fyi. Speaking of the rooms, who needs fans in the bathrooms when you’ve got lysol to barely cover the smell of mold? And since you're paying $750 a night, it makes perfect sense that you're sleeping on a mattress that cost less than a hundred bucks when they bought it ten years ago. The power outlets are, again, well hidden or safely cloistered behind immovable pieces of furniture, and the only lamp with a power outlet in it is conveniently all the way across the room from the bed, because when you want to plug in your phone, the best place to do that is on the desk. I know that's where I plug my phone in when I'm at home. The bedsheets were wonderfully perfumed with the rocket fuel aroma of industrial dryers. Oh, and when trying to figure out how to turn on the floor lamp that was the sole source of light in the actual room besides the meager bedside lamp and the aforementioned desk lamp in the corner (the switches in the room turned on the light by the door and the closet light), I discovered a pair of dirty children's underwear inside the lampshade, which likely explained what my friend was talking about when she walked into our room and exclaimed "it smells like poop in here". She didn’t say "poop", by the way. Otherwise, the place is wonderful. Attending a wedding or conference and need your clothes pressed? No problem at all, just as long as you don't need them back within 24 hours. Need your shoes shined? No problem, if by "no problem" you mean "we don't do that at this hotel even though every other hotel in the known universe that isn't a Motel 6 does that". Want Wi-fi in the room you're paying $750 a night for? No problem, as long as you're ok with spending an additional $20 a day for internet that chugs along at 56k when it's not dropping out entirely. Need to talk to the front desk? Enjoy the sound of that phone ringing over and over for eternity even though when you actually find your way to the front desk the clerks are standing there staring off into space like head trauma victims. Need an extra bed in the room because you have a child staying with you? Get ready to bring that child to the chiropractor when you get home. Want to go down to the pool and relax? Kick back to the soothing sound of drunk, shirtless bros shouting profanities at each other while they slowly take on the pleasant hue of boiled King Crab while listening to "Wish You Were Here" and "Baby Got Back" blasting from the boombox they brought to the pool for everyone else to enjoy. Obviously, I wouldn’t recommend this hotel. To anyone. Ever. Being next to the beach doesn’t mean you can just forget about everything else people expect from a hotel and then charge them four times more than their airline tickets. They (sort of) have a Starbucks in the lobby! Who cares? They have a view of the mountains and the beach! So does EVERYTHING IN SANTA BARBARA. They have their own winery! Great, except the wine has the flavor and consistency of sweetened motor oil. They play Davy Crockett movies at the bar! Ok, you got me there. The cookies they gave us at reception were a nice touch.
- Official Description (provided by the hotel):
- The Fess Parker - A Doubletree by Hilton Resort is steps from the beach and convenient to Santa Barbara's waterfront and downtown. Oversized rooms all feature balconies or patios; families and pets are warmly welcomed. Amenities include a year round heated Olympic sized pool, Spa, fitness center, salon, tennis courts, bike rentals, putting green, shuffle board, weekend wine tasting, 2 restaurants, ocean-view bar and 24 acres of grounds. Complimentary airport/Amtrak shuttle service available daily. ... more less
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- Also Known As:
- Fess Parker`s Doubletree Hotel Santa Barbara
- Doubletree Santa Barbara
- Doubletree Fess Parkers
- Fess Parkers Doubletree Resort