Featuring staff who have given up on work and perhaps even life, The Swan gives you a glimpse into how not to run a hotel.
The lampshades at the windows all stained and wonky should have been the first sign. If they weren't the. The myriad brands of cigarette butts all over the entrance floor would have bed the second.
Then the staff that declared we didn't have a reservation only for us to point them on the desk was the third.
Anyway, up to the room at the far away end of the hotel. En route I decided not to get drunk that night as I knew I would never find my way inebriated.
So the room was essentially fine. It had a bed and a paltry 2 coat hangers and even a mammy shower curtain. The windows were of special note having been due a replacement circa 1967 but obviously deemed worth keeping right into the autumn of 2013
The worst part of the room was that a duster had never been near the headboard or the side table lamps. Thick dust I have not seen the like of since being a student and possessing a similar neglect for domestic hygiene. Being an adult now and with a healthy regard for home cleanliness this amount of dust was beyond anyone's lowest expectation.
The breakfast deserves special mention. Quite how a hotel manages to encrust its plates with that much food remnant and not feel it might be time to wash them properly is beyond me. We really enjoyed the server who handed us 2 plates that we're swimming with cold water and crusty edges. I requested some dry ones and he appeared to be suprised that I didn't want a cold wet plate. I ended up in the continental breakfast plate area selecting a side plate that was clean to eat my breakfast off. To redeem them, the beans were good. The sausages were rank.
There were some interesting food samples on the walls too, I reckon they must have been a science experiment as there is no other reason to have food in walls that I can think of. Unless Ray Charles is employed in the cleaning dept of course.
Overall, with such low standards and a desire to never achieve 'acceptable', let alone 'excellence', The Swan is a great economic study in why the UK may never achieve the recovery it so needs.
It is cheap though... Feels it too if you like that also.
- Also Known As:
- The Swan Hotel Coleshill
- The Swan Coleshill, Warwickshire